I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
