she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
