So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
