I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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