The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
