Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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