high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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