Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize