3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
