It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
