Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Im part way to drunk.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
