Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
