I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
