omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
