Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
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