maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
