So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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