I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
