Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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