You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
