He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
