dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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