I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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