he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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