a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
