i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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