I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
