She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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