this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I need water and some morals
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
