the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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