Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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