whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
