The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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