What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
