Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
