HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
