Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
