.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
