I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
