It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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