Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
