i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
