I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
