Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
