dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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