Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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