Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
