You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
