...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
