please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Terrible idea I love it
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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