Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
