There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
