the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
