maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
