I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
