He is an equal opportunity slut.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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