i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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