I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
