my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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