So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
