It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize