btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
