I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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