Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
