The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
