We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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